My Sex Factor Perspective. “I am The Colonel”
I’ve been known by a lot of names and I have had many adventures under those names. You know me as The Colonel and I was recently a contestant on the reality porn competition, The Sex Factor. Many have asked me to write about my experiences on the show, what’s been the challenge for me has been tying all those experiences into a piece that people will read. Odd I know, because you’d think that there must be so much content since this was a new thing for the industry and if you do think that, you’d be right. To put it mildly, the entire experience must be what it’s like to shoot Heroine. I wouldn’t know for sure because I don’t do drugs but I’m told that first time users are always “chasing the dragon” hoping to relive that initial high. The following will be my attempt to go deep into the details of what I mean by that statement.
I discovered The Sex Factor via social media, Twitter to be specific and I had entertained the thought a while back of getting into adult industry as a fun day dream after my first reality television appearance on Beauty and the Geek. I had a slow week in December at my civilian job, my friends had a camera and were just as willing to entertain the idea of auditioning; so we made my audition tape. I never honestly thought I’d get on the show because of the way I look; I’m skinny, I’ve got crooked teeth, and my dick isn’t exactly of porn star degree but I sent in the clip as a dare. I think it dared the producers to try something different. To put a skinny nerd on the show that has a little charisma and stage presence. I was so stoked that my dare had been challenged that I didn’t think how strange it was that I was asked to buy my own plane ticket or that I was to pay for my own STD test, which cost me about three hundred dollars and that was just to audition. In hindsight though, this was a shining example of how the rest of the production would be.
There was a period of about two weeks to a month before my audition. A thought developed, since the production wanted me to have a clean test that meant I would be having sex on camera and since sex is so much better when you know someone, I began contacting all the female contestants to get a vibe from them and started dialogue with some of the women that would be at auditions; Kaelin, Khaya, my scene partner Minx, and a few women that didn’t make the cut. My dialogue with Minx and Khaya was the most fruitful. To say I found Khaya beautiful is like calling the Moon beautiful, both could fill a book trying to describe it. Both have mysterious dark sides; what you’ll never know is that she has a sharp wit that could easily fill a second volume. Minx had a boundless sense of energy that matched my own about auditioning to be the next main thing in the adult industry. My plan seemed all but certain; I would do well at auditions. Funny things about plans, no matter how well you lay them out, Murphy’s law seems to love meddling with them.
The night before I was to fly out I couldn’t sleep; the dangerous combination of anxiety and excitement had me captured in it’s grip and refused to let go. I arrived in Los Angeles exhausted at 11am, already on thirty six hours without a wink, I had already used up all my reserves and was running on empty but, I thought for sure that I’d be asleep in a warm hotel room soon. Fate it seemed had other plans for me, because the producers hadn’t yet sent a driver to pick me up because they were waiting for the contestants. Hours crept by without sleep in a foreign city. I waited and waited some more until Kaelin landed and that gave me a boost of energy to propel me for a little while longer. I’m a social person and seeing a friendly face was what I needed to keep me going. We talked about simple things; the weather of California, our hopes of what The Sex Factor might lead to and we imagined what the other hopefuls might be like. We didn’t have to imagine long though because the rest of contestants soon arrived and we arranged to meet up at the LAX bar. It was there that I met Hero Protagonist and to call it an unpleasant first impression is putting it mildly. He offered me a drink and to put it on his tab, I said no because I was barely conscious and too tired to drink, I would learn then the word “No” isn’t something Hero was used to hearing because he told me to “suck it up, we’re all tired,” in front of 7 other contestants. I stood my ground looked him in the eye and told him “Nobody talks to me like that” (something like that, it was a year ago), drained my unwanted beer and walked off to wait for our ride. It was a poor attempt to peacock, male hierarchy is weird with all of it’s chest thumping and what not and I’m not very accustomed to it.
The bus came and so did sleep, I am on hour 42 of exhaustion. We met the producer at the hotel that same night, think of the goblin king from The Hobbit. Buddy Ruben an obese, balding mongoloid and carried the air of a used car salesman, laid out our plans for auditions; we’d meet the judges to turn in our paper work to shoot scenes. I wasn’t really listening because it was here that I first met Minx face to face. She had been sexting me via Twitter the entire time I was at the terminal and was DTF that night. It wasn’t meant to be though because I was on a mission to perform well the following morning and I turned her down hoping for a rain check that thankfully came, pun definitely intended here, three more times that weekend. I have so much to tell you all about the entire process that I can’t possibly do it in a thousand words. Stay tuned for more in the next part of “I Am The Colonel.”